Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
