meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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