Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage