the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?