Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY