The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd