im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
