Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
