Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
