Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize