you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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