Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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