Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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