Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
