Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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