HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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