I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
