so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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