I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
