i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
