I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
