my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
