I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
