It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
