but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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