i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
