alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
