So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
