Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
