hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize