I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
