so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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