She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
