it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
