Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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