At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
