I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So much rum. So many feels.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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