there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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