The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
