the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
