She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
