You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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