if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
