And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
