you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
