I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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