literally had 100 drinks last night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
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He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
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Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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