you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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