This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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