You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
