He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
