You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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