So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
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Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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