three words: i give head
three words: not that well
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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