So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
