Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
