Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
