And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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