Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
