A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
thus making me awesome and them whores
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
