Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
