how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
