I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
