booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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