have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
