I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im drinking this country out of the recession.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
