my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
