Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
