Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
