I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
