BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
