Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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