im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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