im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
