Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
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We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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