She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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