I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
