.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
