I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
