Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I love having hate sex.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
