You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
