I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
